Well, lets talk about stereotypes, family and finding love outside your culture.
If you haven’t noticed by now, I am a hip-hop loving African American and my husband is a Hispanic country loving American cowboy.
Paul is the first Mexican man I have ever dated and I am his first Black woman. It isn’t a big deal to me. We really “clicked” the first night we met. I wasn’t taking him serious at first, just flirting. Paul was something new, but he was the sweetest gentleman from the start. That’s what caught my attention.
We’re both the type who would leave a fancy and romantic restaurant to go get a slice of pizza instead. We vibed on the fact that we both have really crazy work ethics. He is so open and willing to make mistakes. For example, Paul would always refer to my beauty as “handsome” when we started dating. I know, smh. The memory is cute now, lol, but was not cute at first. When he noticed it was upsetting me, he made it his priority to talk to me about it. He made sure he called me beautiful from then on. That showed me that he was willing to change. “He’s sticking around and obviously trying to understand what I’m saying, just as much I am with him. So let’s give this a shot!”.
We never could’ve imagined how one day our difference in culture could work against us. The struggle was real! Sometimes we would walk into an establishment together and all eyes would be on us. Some even whispered. I was the only “Black” in the room or he was the only “Mexican” in the room. Together we make a unique couple.
I was a little bit wary of how his family would treat me as well. Any girl he has ever brought home spoke Spanish and I didn’t. It was like, “Oh, damn, how am I going to talk to anybody?”. You know we all have those old-fashioned relatives who are not able to move past race. So I was defensive when I first met his family. I was ready. I told myself I would say the following: “Hi, everyone. My name is Janae, I’m a hundred percent black and yeah, I’m sure I’m mixed with something else a couple hundred ancestors back”. I didn’t though. Paul has the most lovable and embracing family I have ever met. The urban synergy is innate between African-Americans and Hispanics.
With that being said, the major challenges for me in dating a Hispanic man is the language barrier and the cultural differences in the duties of a wife. Paul speaks differently with slang or what I call his Mexican accent. He isn’t Mexican at all. In fact, the majority of his family is American born and raised. Also known as Chicano, but my husband prefers to be addressed as a Mexican and so we shall.
When we started dating, I was exposed to Hispanic women who love to cook, clean and cater to their man. It’s a daily ritual! They go to work or stay at home, but no matter what they wash the clothes, clean the house, take care of the children, cook dinner and are ready to sex the hubby up before, after and during it all! I was like, “damn! Y’all are the truth!”.
If it was a stereotype to address at this point, it would be that Black people are lazy. It’s terrible, I know. I guess i’ll take that as a compliment compared to what’s expected from the woman of his culture. Now, I have to have “me time” in my daily life. I think that would be a must across all cultures for all mothers. So yes, stereotypes do come up. Even I wondered after we first met, “Is he going to be living in a one bedroom with five generations of ancestors?”. I was wrong on both. Paul is wonderful. He’s cool, “down-to-earth” and low maintenance. He doesn’t drink or smoke and he loves me to death do us part! Ya’ hear me!
When I was pregnant, I told Paul, “Do you realize that your baby could be brown with kinky hair?”. Paul looked at me and said, “I never thought about that”. He seemed to think that if the baby didn’t look like him, they wouldn’t be able to relate. I guess by this being his first child, he wanted to have something more in common with him or her. Then he asked me, “Do you know our baby will speak fluent Spanish?”. I looked at him and said, “Well I guess I’m learning Spanish with him or her too”. Sadly, we lost our child during the first trimester and have yet to see how the parenting turns out. I am sure that will be a whole article in itself.
In most ways, we are best compatible when it comes to our faith. I was raised Christian, Pentecostal. My faith is what helps me during hard times. Although our church routine is split between two different roofs, we accompany each other at both. Paul enjoys to worship at a Spanish speaking church, while I prefer to worship at a English speaking church. It works! and it helps our relationship tremendously that he has the same beliefs as I do. After all, “A family that prays together, stays together”.
Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts on Black Hispanic Love?
The Slayed Blogger ❤️